yesterday was for crying

East Tennessee and I are in autumn.  We’re in that part of the cycle where things are dying.  I know this death happens so that life can, but it still hurts.

Yesterday the sky was light gray, a temperate wind rustled the dead plant matter and it rained every so often.  I woke up and noticed that all the trees through the window were bare and that the bark was the same color as the power line running through them.  I thought that I’d put away the baby’s new things from our baby showers so  I gathered up a basket of his charming gifts and headed to his room.

latest work

Of all the things I might be qualified for in this new role of parenthood, I thought putting together a sweet little nursery would be it.  I thought I’d be good at it.  But, in 8 months of pregnancy, all the nursery prep I’ve managed to do is sweep the floor.

I can’t muster the optimism and creativity to domestically cope with accommodating an infant.  I exhausted my DIY-no-budget-decorating and organizational vigor a little over a year ago and this latest task is proving to be the first frost that kills the last of summer’s energy.

I spent hours in the nursery yesterday and there is no noticeable progress.

latest work {2}

And now it is today.  It has stopped raining and the sky is still dark.  I can hear the drips pinging on metal.  I don’t know what today is for.  I know the things that I should do today but I don’t feel capable.  What I want to do is spend the day in bed, watching Netflix.  I’d also like it if Levon would serve me food.  Perhaps I would take a walk, but I’m not sure.

latest work {3}

I’d like to hibernate under winter’s blanket of snow.  I yearn for a quiet pause and a retreat from active living.  Maybe, if I can get out of the way of myself, I’m being prepared to do this very thing with our darling little one who will be here very soon.


Reader Comments (2)

  1. rebekah said:

    I wish I was there to help you….we’d do a “Trading Spaces” makeover like we did in Nashville. Don’t fret, nurseries are for parents. Arms and mommy’s bed are for babies.


  2. Ashley said:

    thank you. felt much better after we talked


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