starving artist or idealistic bum?

[ from a. addair who is listening to Michael Hurley (Have Moicy) ]

“Love is first.  Love comes before knowledge and even before acts of the will.”  -F. Gonzalez-Crussi

Finished a painting today.  First experiments of painting with a pallet knife; it reminded me of making mud-cakes.

As I worked on this one I thought about why I paint and why it matters.  I haven’t arrived at a reasonable conclusion.  But because I love it, I’m still painting.  And that got me thinking (along with Gonzalez-Crussi) about how actually, love is really the basis of most of our actions.  Everyday we make minor and not-so-minor choices bases on our likes and dislikes.

And then that got me thinking about how if we were to address that basic love/hate level within ourselves (and extending out to our culture), then getting better could actually happen.  And maybe even without the help of bureaucracy (it seems to me that many good ideas get stale, and even toxic through this process).

there should be a picture of the painting here. but we still don't have internet at our house and i forgot the camera at home. i'll post it later this week.

I wonder if we all had the freedom, the opportunity, and the courage to do what we love with most of our energy–even if it is as inconsequential as playing in colored mud–if we might make better choices and fruit for the benfit of ourselves and our collective health.

Perhaps I’m being too simplistic.  Or maybe, as an artist, I’m on a self-absorbed and justifying stretch for validation.  Maybe none of it actually matters and I should go get a job that the bank recognizes; hobbies aren’t subjected to such scrutiny.

Maybe.  But I just can’t let go of the feeling that painting deserves my attention and that I should try my darnedest at making room for it.

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