kentucky bass fishing

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Last week in Kentucky was pretty fun, especially after a sudden obsession for bass fishing.  I tried to explain to Ashley why it was so compelling and she said, “I understand fishing, but why all of a sudden?  You’re nuts.”

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I told her it happened every summer, but she didn’t believe me.  Because she certainly knows it has not happened for the last 11 summers.  But before that, back when I was in high school, bam.  We were in the fish.

Addair gets spoiled by his grandparents, that’s some of it.  I’ve tried to go fly fishing by myself at least once every couple weeks, but that’s hard.  It’s easier when Addair has a crowd of babysitters.  Also, my parents live on lake Pee Wee.  That’s the Madisonville, KY city lake.  I caught three bass as long as my arm in the back yard–I mean about six of them, or probably seven, big ones.

I painted in Kentucky some.  The State Farm basement door for dad, the Raymond James crown molding for my brother, a carport and front door for Grandma too.  So it wasn’t all play.  A little work, but a lot of bass fishing.

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My buddy Justin and I split out on Thursday.  We took the old Ranger on Lake Beshear in Dawson Springs.  It was pretty hard fishing in the afternoon.  Saturday my dad and I went to our hunting property in the reclaimed mining area around Earlington.  The strip pits and silt ponds were full of ticks, not many fish.  We spent the morning with tractor problems, but it got us out of bush-hogging.  That meant extra time for bass fishing.

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My mom would see me watching TV with Addair and us eating goldfish.  She’d take him and say, why don’t you go fishing.  She’d look out the dining room window, saying they were surfacing a lot in the afternoons.  I’d rig up a worm and go.

My brother’s kayak is in the basement and I took it out a few times.  Bass were killing this little shad with a jig head, but nothing big.  And too many bluegills.  Then I was throwing a Carolina rig and being greedy.  Because I was in a kayak.  I had one monster hit it so hard I was literally leaning away during the fight to keep from tipping over.  It jumped and I saw it, at least six pounds, probably eleven, and I got it to the kayak which is exhilarating when you are sitting on the surface of the water beside your fish.  He fought under the boat and I couldn’t grab the line  before he pulled the rod around forward, jerking the line on the tip of the kayak.  He got off that way.

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I thought about Ashley’s question for awhile, why the sudden bass fisherman in me.  There was time to think you know, cast and think.  Reel in and think.  It occurred to me it was sort like when a dog eats grass.  It doesn’t make any sense.  But the dog is craving something, he needs a nutrient.  Or he needs to root around and be a dog.  I live on the corner of Armstrong and W. Glenwood and in a neighborhood.  It’s been a little while since I walked home to the house in the dark, sat my rod against the garage, left it hooked and ready, and went inside to wash the fish slime off my hands and the mud off my feet.  You make a lot of noise and you wait for someone to ask the question,

“Did you catch any?”

 

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volatile mama

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listening to traditional country and updating my etsy shop

listening to traditional country and updating my etsy shop

I’ve been feeling absolutely awful.  There’s the routine nausea and tiredness but the worst of it is soul anguish.  It’s impossible to gauge how much of this is contributed to hormones.  Likely it’s mostly that, but in the fog of it this is no consolation.  I’m not so sure my hormones have leveled out since Addair Kentucky, making normal irrelevant anyway.

when i painted this i was thinking about motherhood as instinct.  trying to suss out the ways cultural information has me all confused.  lately, i only think about food

when i painted this i was thinking about motherhood as instinct. trying to suss out the ways cultural information has me all confused. lately, i only think about food

This week we’ve been visiting in Kentucky.  It’s helped to be out of our house as the undone tasks serve as stress triggers making my symptoms worse.  Also, it smells in there.  One day I’ll feel like cleaning again, right? I hope so.  I get afraid that I’ll never feel like doing anything ever again.

domesticated.  acrylic and paper on canvas.  24 x48

domesticated. acrylic and paper on canvas. 24 x48

Well, I’m sick of hearing myself.

Pray for me.  I’m all out of ways to help myself.

Maybe that’s the silver lining–being at the end of myself.

friday night is coming up.  maybe i'll get gussied up and put on some mascara.  that'll make me feel better

friday night is coming up. maybe i’ll get gussied up and put on some mascara. that’ll make me feel better

A list of other things I’ve been thinking about:

reckoning daily schedules.  finding adventure and nowness without losing intentionality and discipline

editing Levon’s manuscript

moving before baby #2 arrives

finding a studio space for work

Addair Kentucky is darn wonderful

just posted to ashleyaddair.etsy.com today

just posted to ashleyaddair.etsy.com today

mother’s day weekend

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The following is a letter from my mom, each of my siblings got one.  This Mother’s Day weekend I’m feeling honored to get to celebrate alongside people like her:
Mother’s Day is coming up, and I thought I should tell you what I want. This way there’s no guilty panic or last minute purchasing of flowers. So, this is what I want, this year and every year after; it’s pretty simple really.I want you to be a decent human being.

I want you to be who you are, but don’t be a jerk.

I want you to work hard at everything you do, because life is too short not to give it everything you’ve got.

my mama and her children

my mama and her children

I want you to ask for help when you need it.

I want you to help others when they need it.

I want you to learn how to cook, do your own laundry, pay your bills and know how to clean a bathroom.

When you screw up, and you will, more than once, I want you to own it, because it’s the screw-ups that make the victories sweeter.

I want you to travel, because the world is huge and you are one part of it.

I want you to know that even when we disagree with each other, I will never stop loving you.

I want you to play nicely with others.

I want you to feed your curiosity.

I want you to find a way to do what you love, and realize that it might look different than you originally thought or what others think you should do.

I want you to respect every human being’s right to be who they are.

I want you to sometimes be more interested in someone else than in yourself.

I want you to know that you are flawed and you are extraordinary. There is no one else like you.

I want you to know that I would lay down my life for you any day of the week.

I want you to realize how lucky you are every once in awhile even if only for an instant.

I want you to know love, even if it means getting hurt.

I want you to know life can be brutally hard sometimes.

I want you to know that you can choose happiness even on the darkest of days.

I want you to love and know the Lord.
I have always loved most…the songs, the photos, the heartfelt handwritten sentiments.  I love each of you so uniquely, so individually, so completely and thank God for the gift and blessing of your presence in my life and all the ways you’ve grown me.
A hug, a kiss and a smile!

See, simple.Love,

Mom

Loretta has lights

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Loretta is a 1962 Roadrunner camper we’re converting into an art studio and mobile gallery.  For a while she has rested in the driveway, and little has been done since I got stuck on electrical issues.  Then we (meaning my neighbor) had a breakthrough with a borrowed meter, and it’s always grounding issues with these old trailers (like Frankie told me back in March).  Loretta now has new wiring throughout and new lights, vintage lights I should add, from vintagetrailersupply.com.

So now we’re going to paint her.  I’ve taken every window off and siliconed behind, the same with every corner trim.  Inside is totally gutted out and most of the framing replaced after the water damage of decades.  Saturday we gave her a new rear window pane, pretty sure there had been a bullet hole through the original.

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So now it’s time to paint, and any paint job is only as good as your prep work, right?  Somebody’d done the awfulest caulk job I’ve ever seen on her and she still shows signs.

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before

Here’s some more before and during shots.

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rear window before

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before

before

before

progression

progression

 

progression

progression

Now you can see the inside is ready to finish the insulation.  The outside is ready to paint.  That’s where she sits today and probably tomorrow too.

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Rebekah Campbell liked this post

a list of sentences, because i feel like i have to hurry

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i really don’t have to hurry, but i can’t shake the feeling so…

some encaustic experiments

some encaustic experiments

nausea again

worked on the Knoxville Museum of Art’s Art on Tap painting today

about to cut the day short so that I can pack and head to Bristol and then Tazewell for an evening of storytelling

but before we go  I wanted to post the details of the upcoming encaustic creativity workshop:

JUNE 8.  Saturday @ the SHAREhouse

10:00am until 3:00pm

  • {creating space and opportunity for inventive play and art making}This workshop will focus on exploring encaustic techniques.Encaustic is a very versatile, spontaneous medium, applied molten to a prepared surface. The wax can be re-melted to create different effects, layered in opaque or translucent layers, modeled, textured, scraped, sculpted, polished, or combined with a variety of materials to create collage works.

    made during "play" time today

    made during “play” time today

    The aim is to bring your interests into the medium of encaustic painting.

    Bring a favorite object, poem, drawing, found treasure, photograph, vintage paper, fabric, or concept and I’ll help you explore ways of translating this to an encaustic medium. (This part is optional, you can come with nothing at all, and we’ll still have fun).

    This workshop will be scheduled as shifts so that there will be a small number of participants for each session. Once I have a class roster I will assign you a time slot between the hours of 10am to 3pm.

    The workshop will be process-oriented with a focus on art-making as a method of thinking. All skill levels welcome. All supplies will be included.
    to register (and you must pre-register) call ⑧⑥⑤.⑦⑦③.④⑧①②, message me on facebook or email ashleydawnaddair@gmail.com

    soon to be on etsy

    soon to be on etsy

    workshop fee: $45 includes all materials. just bring yourself.

    connect. learn. express. paint. appreciate.
    try. share. explore. make. enjoy.
    and you get to take home an original piece of art.

    feel free to share this invitation.

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the exercise of doing what you want

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I was grateful for the rain because it made for a no question writing day, and honestly it is often a great struggle to get up these days and put on the painters pants and find something that ought to be whiter.  Not when the memoir is in the home stretch of a second draft, leading closer to the day of becoming a “Mustache Dad.”

Funny that the memoir deals with exactly where I find myself again, trying to balance work and the work I want to be doing–while also expecting a baby.  It changed everything last time.  So that in these shoes again, I’ve done a little better at dividing my days.  Like this morning, I painted until the rain looked ominous.  And as our readers know, 5:00 is mustache dad time for real.  No writing, no painting, no estimates, no record keeping.  Protecting time is sacred activity, and Ashley will tell you that I’m not as good at it as I pretend to be here.

But rejoice with me that I think the draft to be 70% through the second time around.  It’s 59,002 words as I have left it open in another window.  Ashley and baby have gone, I don’t know where, and I’m out under the carport watching the storm,  thinking about a special place in Virginia called Grace Acres Farm and texting my mother-in-law about pertinent details for the sake of accuracy in the narrative.  Word count today is 2,111, and 2,000 words is minimum on days I don’t paint, even though I did.  And 300 words on days I do paint, even if it’s garbage– because this is the daily exercise of what I want to be doing.

Meghan Allison Campbell liked this post

siblings

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In so many words I’ve said it already, but we were still contacting family members on the mountain–now here it goes: we’re having another young’n!  Ashley is about six weeks, which by my calculation (not very sophisticated) makes a due date of December 18.  Addair will be 2 on December 21.

So, what were we thinking?  I guess giving Addair a younger sibling for his birthday/Christmas combined.  It’s easier that way.  And it was nice not to travel for the holidays the other time.   No seriously, we are very very excited!!

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I told Addair it’s time he learned some responsibility.  Younger siblings will require it.  My younger brother one day became a college linebacker, that says a lot about how tough I was on him.  Ashley’s younger brother is crazy Dustin.

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Two years is a pretty good split.  I know it will be nuts.  When I was two, my dad had me plowing fields and pulling my own weight a little bit.  I had a little brother and he was plain angry.  That’s what we’re going to have to do with Addair.

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Siblings should be close, we say.  And I need to get some work out of them.

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washington dc to nantahala 052

 

trailer lights, big plans, big news

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For the I don’t know how many-eth time, I was going to finish rewiring the trailer today.  I think I have a sound strategy now, and I bought a continuity tester for the 12v trailer wiring.  All the wire is run.  But I still need somebody to hit the breaks, and somebody to stand behind and tell me when the lights actually come on.  I’m under the tailgate trying to figure out which color goes where.

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So I put a kids toy in the floorboard to hold the breaks and thought about a system of mirrors to let me see the taillights from inside.  But then I thought, nah I’ll just paint her today.  Then I said nah, I’ll just write a blog instead.  They’ve been few and far between lately.

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The stripe is a mistinted green from a paint job, and really more of a trial than anything.  I want to see if Sherwin Williams Superpaint will be durable enough.  I use Superpaint exclusively for houses and they tell me it will hold up fine on metal.   Also, our little corner looks pretty redneck these days, for a lot of reasons, and a grey old camper doesn’t help.  The stripe is a sign of good intentions.

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Let’s see what else.  Nathan and I have been painting about a house a week and it’s good to be busy.  I’m halfway through the first rewrite of “Mustache Dad.”  Ashley’s fridays for painting have been going well and as soon as I get this camper finished there will be more of that.  We’ll have a little art gallery to take around, maybe I’ll paint fewer houses and write more, and balance should find us somewhere.

Unless, of course, there were any big news which might complicate things.  Even if ever so slightly.

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Well, come to think of it, there is.  That means it’s time to perfect the mustache.

mustache dad

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Last Tuesday I finished a draft of the memoir which now has been given the working-title “Mustache Dad.” I printed it off and it’s sitting in a stack beside me. Though it’s full of issues and thin parts and likely pages upon pages that will be cut, there is quite a feeling of accomplishment to have a draft sitting there. We even celebrated at the Fountain City Diner.

My dad had, for many years, what many would concede to be an epic mustache. He wore it up until my brother and I were born, and a while after, and once or twice even since. This is a photo I recently found.

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My Uncle Mike also had a great mustache.

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As did my Uncle David, who still wears it to this day.

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Surrounded by all these great mustaches in my life, it’s no wonder that I am often of the persuasion to wear a mustache. And why these many years of making music have led me to the day when I would write a book about a mustache.

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Is it a man who makes a mustache, or the mustache which makes a man? We’ve all asked ourselves. And why does one man wear his mustache, and the other suppress that ability?

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Don’t blame it on the times or the fashion of the day. The mustache knows no era. The mustache is an era. When I was just a gleam in my father’s eye, he also wore a mustache. And so did I.

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“Mustache Dad” is in revision and usually this takes a long time, a lot of patience, and then probably my publisher is going to tell me I need to lose the mustache–but it’s just like I told Ashley: Every cow girl wants a cowboy with a mustache. No, she said, every cowboy rides alone. Well, she doesn’t like the mustache I guess, but that’s a matter of opinion, and I believe that honestly she still respects the mustache nonetheless. And until we resolve our differences, and I finish another rewrite, there will be some time to pass perhaps, and I have seen some of the best mustaches of all while waiting at the counter on a Monday morning in any given paint store. It’s a mark of professional credibility.

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for the attaboys and youcandoits

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Here are some reasons I wanted to update the blog as to the status of my memoir:

1. To explain my writing absence here.

2. To try and get the word out of its existence.

3. To receive some attaboys and some youcandoits.

4. To describe what the tale is actually about.  This last point I will address now.  Well, I should first give the status.  And then get on with the describing.

Status: the 68,000 word autobiographical ramble covering years 1982-2009, plus genealogy, family history, and a summary of regionalism within the Jackson Purchase– has been abandoned.  Or at least filed away as reference.

The memoir was given a timeframe and a focus, that being Ashley’s pregnancy from the father’s point of view, and finally the birth of one, Addair Kentucky Walker.

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A draft is 80% finished.  In the story’s current writing (occurring later this rainy morning) we find ourselves nearly at the birth.  The protagonist is on the roof of a veterinarian clinic, nailing shingles, and waiting for the phone call.  The contractions have so far begun.

43,037 words.

At this point I should be able to describe what the story is about.  But I’m telling you now, it is that hard to get out of your own head and critique yourself as a character in a narrative.  It is probably very healthy, or maybe it is not.  After having reread all 888 posts of this blog, assessing of course, and looking for the gems (I’m allowed to hope for them), I’ve wished to gag often and been routinely embarrassed.  But more than a few times I’ve found what I wanted to use.

There is a problem with blogging in everyday moments: therapeutic-confession and thought-organization will get confused with honesty.  Honesty is telling the truth.  And truth is what is real.  And getting real with yourself is probably what you were intending, throughout a spilling of 500 words, and it may be nice writing and all, but the real truth has taken longer.   A lot of cutting and stacking papers all over the floor.  Many very, very early mornings with coffee, fire, and not typing.  Before a day of painting houses, which is wearisome moving all the ladders and typically involves the making of white things whiter–although I consider it about as simple and honest work as can be found; while an exercise of patience, painting is one of the few tasks where the gratification is instant.  About like pulling weeds.  And oh so jolly full of metaphor for your hands to work and mind to wander.

Another problem with the whim-of-the-day blogging (and writing or revising within spare moments over a long period of time), is consistency of voice.  I’ve been trying to find my voice all along.  Like songwriting, I guess, only longer, and sounding in your head like whatever you think I sound.  Or I may craft myself to sound.  Writing everyday is the only practice for this, and so I do it, consistent with style or not, but always trying.

Maybe this voice was the hardest thing about reading all my self-perceived “daily witticism” since early 2009.  It was more often not so clear.  The days I remembered having really “gotten it,” I read again, then decided it better to buy some new brushes.  Voice is maybe harder than the truth, I don’t know.  They are very similar, or sourced in each other, or something like that.

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Also, I used the word “I” with 1,258 occurrences throughout the current memoir draft.  This is far too much about “me” in a story that is looking for truth.  And not very interesting English, either.

But that’s enough about the problems with it.  It’s going to be a good story.  There is a temptation to land everything with some grand arrival of revelation and a solution upon the ending.  This much is how good books go, right?  But the end, as soon as I get there, will be a brand new baby in arm.  Every parent knows this to be a most helpless feeling, an open book if anything, and not the time to land any conclusions.  Furthermore the year following undid every notion I had on parenting–it tried the very seams of an 8 year marriage that is truly a strong one.  I was trying to write, of course, looking for this revelation still.  Then I broke my face, which was confusing, because my son never took a bottle.  But I got to.

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Hopefully it can be a good story, and well told.  We may have to settle for that.  The selling point being, it is worth the $9.95 alone for the painting secrets I will tell you.  And I did have a kick ass mustache.

Now 3. for the attaboys and youcandoits!  I need them.

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